My New Year Revelations, not Resolutions.
I have realized many things about myself this past year. Things that are pleasantly surprising. Things one might not be terribly proud of. You know those things of which I speak.
I know that I will never be that picture perfect Mom. The perfectly coiffed one in designer clothing, quietly playing on the ground with the wee ones while directing the tweens on how to master their algebra, as the roast and potatoes are, well, roasting.
My scene is a little different. I try not to spend half my day in pajamas, while loudly playing with the babies (or talking on the phone). I don't understand algebra much better now than I did when I was in school so I tell my kids to listen better in class 'cause I am of no use in that department. Dinner is my nemesis. Seriously. Sometimes I think it's out to do me harm. Always looming, always arriving, always making me wish I had a chef. It doesn't even have to be a good chef. Just one willing to voila us a dinner each and every night.
I raise my voice. A lot. It sure does get everyones attention and the kids seem to obey for longer periods of time after, and I am learning that being loud is a big part of who I am. Loud fun is certainly different than loud mad. I'm working on it. Really I am.
Thankfully that isn't where the realization ends.
God has given me a heart for children. I love them. I adore them. I want to eat them up! Raising Michael and Elsa has been a fun challenge and I always wished in my heart for more children. Some people think I am crazy to be a single mom and willingly take in 2 more. It's only been in the last month or so that I finally understood that this isn't for everyone. God has been preparing me for this situation for a long time. I love it and it just comes naturally...even to possibly open up our home to more. Just as you might not understand how or why I can do this, I too might struggle to understand why everyone couldn't. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to use my gifts.
I used to think my greatest gift was my voice. I was wrong. My singing voice has been slowly flitting away and with each step of loss in quality I felt like I was losing part of my identity. I was wrong. I can still sing. I can still praise the Lord. Albeit a bit more rough and a little more wheezy, but God has different plans for my voice right now. It has shifted from leading a congregation to encouraging the four kids in my life who need me the most right now.
Thankfully I didn't make a resolution not to yell at my kids this year, it only took till 10 am and I would have failed that. That healthy eating resolution that is so popular this time of year? We happily finished off the Jelly Belly Beans today and ordered pizza and wings for dinner (it is, after all, my nemesis). I didn't want to start this year off feeling like a failure so I chose revelations instead of resolutions. I'll work on the others, but today I want to be thankful for where God has brought me. To what He has shown me. To build on what He has given me.
And who knows, maybe some day I'll battle my nemesis and win. But until then I may just pray for a chef.
I know that I will never be that picture perfect Mom. The perfectly coiffed one in designer clothing, quietly playing on the ground with the wee ones while directing the tweens on how to master their algebra, as the roast and potatoes are, well, roasting.
My scene is a little different. I try not to spend half my day in pajamas, while loudly playing with the babies (or talking on the phone). I don't understand algebra much better now than I did when I was in school so I tell my kids to listen better in class 'cause I am of no use in that department. Dinner is my nemesis. Seriously. Sometimes I think it's out to do me harm. Always looming, always arriving, always making me wish I had a chef. It doesn't even have to be a good chef. Just one willing to voila us a dinner each and every night.
I raise my voice. A lot. It sure does get everyones attention and the kids seem to obey for longer periods of time after, and I am learning that being loud is a big part of who I am. Loud fun is certainly different than loud mad. I'm working on it. Really I am.
Thankfully that isn't where the realization ends.
God has given me a heart for children. I love them. I adore them. I want to eat them up! Raising Michael and Elsa has been a fun challenge and I always wished in my heart for more children. Some people think I am crazy to be a single mom and willingly take in 2 more. It's only been in the last month or so that I finally understood that this isn't for everyone. God has been preparing me for this situation for a long time. I love it and it just comes naturally...even to possibly open up our home to more. Just as you might not understand how or why I can do this, I too might struggle to understand why everyone couldn't. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to use my gifts.
I used to think my greatest gift was my voice. I was wrong. My singing voice has been slowly flitting away and with each step of loss in quality I felt like I was losing part of my identity. I was wrong. I can still sing. I can still praise the Lord. Albeit a bit more rough and a little more wheezy, but God has different plans for my voice right now. It has shifted from leading a congregation to encouraging the four kids in my life who need me the most right now.
Thankfully I didn't make a resolution not to yell at my kids this year, it only took till 10 am and I would have failed that. That healthy eating resolution that is so popular this time of year? We happily finished off the Jelly Belly Beans today and ordered pizza and wings for dinner (it is, after all, my nemesis). I didn't want to start this year off feeling like a failure so I chose revelations instead of resolutions. I'll work on the others, but today I want to be thankful for where God has brought me. To what He has shown me. To build on what He has given me.
And who knows, maybe some day I'll battle my nemesis and win. But until then I may just pray for a chef.
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