Two Years
I woke up February 5th, 2010 happy to be 5 days into freedom from almost half a year of bed rest from surgery. I had no idea that I would receive a phone call that afternoon that would inevitably expand our family forever. It took 9 months (almost to the day of becoming certified for Foster Care) to get the call that would count. We had been called twice before but both times my back issues kept me from saying yes. It was disappointing to have to say no, but it's easy now to see God's bigger plan for our family!
We were given such little information on that initial phone call. Really all we had were names, ages and an understanding that the little one was very sick in the hospital. My answer was yes. If the courts decided that removal was in their best interest, they would have a home here for as long as they needed. No one prepares you for the waiting, or the numerous phone calls with few answers, or the uncertainty of it all. There's also a weird guilt that happens. Here I was so excited to finally have a placement, yet someone has to lose their children for that to happen.
I sat on the couch waiting with my scrap piece of paper in hand. Scribbled on one side were the names Easton and Chase, with 3 months and 17 months on the other. Hours went by and every time the phone rang I jumped to see what decision was made. Finally the call came. Those precious boys were going to be removed from their home, and they asked how soon I could pick up the older one, Easton. I secured the toddler car seat in the middle seat of the Jeep and off we went for the 30 minute drive to meet him for the first time. So many thoughts went through my mind. Am I ready for this? Are Michael and Elsa? Will he willingly come? Will we be enough to help these two little ones through one of the hardest moments in their life? I can tell you the 30 minute drive wasn't long enough to process all the "what ifs".
Once we arrived at the county building I went on up to the case workers office to get paperwork and what little information was available to them. Within minutes little Easton was being transferred into our Jeep with nothing more than the clothes on his back and a sippy cup. Michael and Elsa sat on either side of him and we all did our best to make him happy, but it didn't take long before he began to cry and cough, and inevitably choke. It became apparent that he too was very sick. His crying turned to hysterical screaming and coughing and I encouraged the kids to continue singing and try to keep offering him his sippy cup, which he refused to take. He was one scared little boy. During a short break I heard a stifled sob coming from Elsa. The words were choppy and barely audible through the sobs "I.....j...j...just.....d....d...don't know....if I.....c....c...can do....this". I reassured her that not every car ride with Easton would be like this. I promised them his needs would be met before we put him in the car next time, and that alone should make for a better ride. About 10 minutes from home I checked his cup and the milk we had been trying to offer him was spoiled. So many, many emotions during that trip home.
Once out of the car Easton excitedly ran around checking out this new place, his home, and played with all the toys Elsa and Michael offered him. He was so relaxed and confident, laughing an awful lot and making us laugh in return. Such a happy feeling after seeing his distress in the car. I set off to make him something to eat, and eat he did!!! A bath and clean jammies followed. His case worker decided it would be best to have his cough checked out right away at the emergency room. Thankfully, Elsa and Michael were able to spend the night at Grandmother's house, and it was a relief that Easton was happily traveling in the car seat on the way over there.
We made it home from the hospital by 1am where poor little Easton was diagnosed with bronchitis, double ear infections and a throat infection. Putting him down to bed in our home for the first time was easy. He was so tired that he fell fast asleep. We woke up early to get ready to pick up baby Chase from the Women and Children's Hospital over an hour away. Thankfully my friend Angela offered to come along as it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be able to bring Easton up to the ward with me. We stopped at Target first to stock up on diapers, formula and all the things you don't know you need until you are walking up and down those aisles. While at the store I called the hospital and found out that the baby was ready to be released.
Heading up to the hospital's 9th floor with a car seat to pick up a child that belongs to someone else is a very surreal feeling. I showed my papers at the nurses station and they directed me to his room. I don't think I will ever forget the moment I first saw him, all alone, sleeping soundly in his crib. It broke my heart that I could hear him breathing before I even entered the room. So tiny.
The nurse came in and told me they were getting ready to take out the IV, so why don't I feed him and get him dressed to go home. I was so relieved that they had prompted me to pick him up. Without that I might still be sitting there, just looking at him. Before long I was signing discharge papers, and amazed that I was taking this little one home with me. The ride home was uneventful, as they both slept, and soon Michael and Elsa came home and we were on our own. The evening was hectic and I felt so disjointed. I kept internally asking myself what have I gotten myself into?! Finally Easton was asleep for the night and Chase fell asleep in my arms. I remember looking around at our living room strewn with toys and clothes, with a bit of baby poop on my jammy pants wondering when life would feel normal again. It took less than 2 weeks to get into a good routine and we've been truckin' ever since.
If I could go back and talk to myself during those first days, I would tell myself that it's ok to be overwhelmed. Take it one day at a time. I would remind myself that I am not doing this in my own strength, but by His, and that alone will make all the difference! This certainly isn't your traditional birth story, but this is their "birth" into our family, and I am so glad God delivered!
UPDATE: EASTON & CHASE are freed for adoption!
UPDATE: ADOPTION DAY for EASTON & CHASE
UPDATE: NOAH is freed for adoption!
UPDATE: ADOPTION DAY for NOAH
We were given such little information on that initial phone call. Really all we had were names, ages and an understanding that the little one was very sick in the hospital. My answer was yes. If the courts decided that removal was in their best interest, they would have a home here for as long as they needed. No one prepares you for the waiting, or the numerous phone calls with few answers, or the uncertainty of it all. There's also a weird guilt that happens. Here I was so excited to finally have a placement, yet someone has to lose their children for that to happen.
I sat on the couch waiting with my scrap piece of paper in hand. Scribbled on one side were the names Easton and Chase, with 3 months and 17 months on the other. Hours went by and every time the phone rang I jumped to see what decision was made. Finally the call came. Those precious boys were going to be removed from their home, and they asked how soon I could pick up the older one, Easton. I secured the toddler car seat in the middle seat of the Jeep and off we went for the 30 minute drive to meet him for the first time. So many thoughts went through my mind. Am I ready for this? Are Michael and Elsa? Will he willingly come? Will we be enough to help these two little ones through one of the hardest moments in their life? I can tell you the 30 minute drive wasn't long enough to process all the "what ifs".
Once we arrived at the county building I went on up to the case workers office to get paperwork and what little information was available to them. Within minutes little Easton was being transferred into our Jeep with nothing more than the clothes on his back and a sippy cup. Michael and Elsa sat on either side of him and we all did our best to make him happy, but it didn't take long before he began to cry and cough, and inevitably choke. It became apparent that he too was very sick. His crying turned to hysterical screaming and coughing and I encouraged the kids to continue singing and try to keep offering him his sippy cup, which he refused to take. He was one scared little boy. During a short break I heard a stifled sob coming from Elsa. The words were choppy and barely audible through the sobs "I.....j...j...just.....d....d...don't know....if I.....c....c...can do....this". I reassured her that not every car ride with Easton would be like this. I promised them his needs would be met before we put him in the car next time, and that alone should make for a better ride. About 10 minutes from home I checked his cup and the milk we had been trying to offer him was spoiled. So many, many emotions during that trip home.
Once out of the car Easton excitedly ran around checking out this new place, his home, and played with all the toys Elsa and Michael offered him. He was so relaxed and confident, laughing an awful lot and making us laugh in return. Such a happy feeling after seeing his distress in the car. I set off to make him something to eat, and eat he did!!! A bath and clean jammies followed. His case worker decided it would be best to have his cough checked out right away at the emergency room. Thankfully, Elsa and Michael were able to spend the night at Grandmother's house, and it was a relief that Easton was happily traveling in the car seat on the way over there.
We made it home from the hospital by 1am where poor little Easton was diagnosed with bronchitis, double ear infections and a throat infection. Putting him down to bed in our home for the first time was easy. He was so tired that he fell fast asleep. We woke up early to get ready to pick up baby Chase from the Women and Children's Hospital over an hour away. Thankfully my friend Angela offered to come along as it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be able to bring Easton up to the ward with me. We stopped at Target first to stock up on diapers, formula and all the things you don't know you need until you are walking up and down those aisles. While at the store I called the hospital and found out that the baby was ready to be released.
Heading up to the hospital's 9th floor with a car seat to pick up a child that belongs to someone else is a very surreal feeling. I showed my papers at the nurses station and they directed me to his room. I don't think I will ever forget the moment I first saw him, all alone, sleeping soundly in his crib. It broke my heart that I could hear him breathing before I even entered the room. So tiny.
I hurriedly took that picture, afraid I might get in trouble for photographing him, and then just stood there looking at him. I didn't know what I was allowed to do. Can I touch him? Can I pick him up? Was I supposed to? Am I ready for TWO little ones? Feeling nervous, I pulled the rocking chair over to the crib and watched him breathe in and out for a while. Meanwhile, Angela was downstairs waiting with Easton, who was a total bundle of energy. She sent me this pic:
The nurse came in and told me they were getting ready to take out the IV, so why don't I feed him and get him dressed to go home. I was so relieved that they had prompted me to pick him up. Without that I might still be sitting there, just looking at him. Before long I was signing discharge papers, and amazed that I was taking this little one home with me. The ride home was uneventful, as they both slept, and soon Michael and Elsa came home and we were on our own. The evening was hectic and I felt so disjointed. I kept internally asking myself what have I gotten myself into?! Finally Easton was asleep for the night and Chase fell asleep in my arms. I remember looking around at our living room strewn with toys and clothes, with a bit of baby poop on my jammy pants wondering when life would feel normal again. It took less than 2 weeks to get into a good routine and we've been truckin' ever since.
If I could go back and talk to myself during those first days, I would tell myself that it's ok to be overwhelmed. Take it one day at a time. I would remind myself that I am not doing this in my own strength, but by His, and that alone will make all the difference! This certainly isn't your traditional birth story, but this is their "birth" into our family, and I am so glad God delivered!
UPDATE: EASTON & CHASE are freed for adoption!
UPDATE: ADOPTION DAY for EASTON & CHASE
UPDATE: NOAH is freed for adoption!
UPDATE: ADOPTION DAY for NOAH
Melissa, you are amazing and those little boys are so incredibly lucky to have found you, michael, and elsa! I was tearing up through this whole post because of all the emotions you must have been experiencing. Love you all, michelle
ReplyDeleteWow what a sweet precious blessing you are to those kids. As I am sure they are to you.
ReplyDeleteerika